Cluster B Personality Disorders
Anti Social Personality, Narcissistic Personality, Borderline Personality, Histrionic Personality Disorders
Why Do Certain People Attract Cluster B Personalities?
Even when we can’t generalize, it’s true that certain people attract those that have traits or suffer a disorder of Cluster B. They all have good qualities in order to be considered as suitable for a cluster B, and also deficiencies that people with a personality disorder can take advantage of.
Remember that even when somehow dysfunctional in relationships, cluster B individuals can be outstanding in certain aspects. All those that attract cluster B individuals like ‘fixing’ others, many times because they were not able to fix someone close, or because they consider they had fixed themselves, or because “they have it;” they see the potential on those with problematic presentations and feel inclined to help them become better people.
Each PD of cluster B attracts different people according to their unmet needs:
Those that attract people w/Boderline Personality Disorder
Borderlines are looking for people that can take care of them. So, someone that has ways to provide for a ‘lost soul’ and can also allow others to treat them poorly, are good candidates. Therefore, those that are caring, self-sufficient, ‘maternal,’ independent, with low self-esteem, used to have boundaries crossed or violated will attract pwBPD.
Those that attract w/Narcissistic Personality Disorder
Narcissists need to feel ‘proud’ of their partners in such a way that others admire them for being in a relationship with that person, especially if they can ‘use’ them somehow as accessories or as springboards to reach social hights or a status that they may not be able to reach by themselves. The partner provides social recognition of their grandiosity. So, those that attract narcissists are the ones that feel happy providing what they have so much of and feel that the balance is to be with such a great, smart, funny, charming, charismatic, liked, person who can show adoration for them (for a while). They have insecurities and may not feel worthy of love, and therefore, they accept the ‘exchange’ (and compromise) for whatever love the narcissist gives.
Those that attract w/Histrionic Personality Disorder
Histrionics need to be the center of attention and therefore, they need to be ‘displayed.’ People that are either too shy and wealthy, with very low self-esteem, or very sexual, could attract pwHPD since histrionic people are great seducers.
Those that attract w/ Anti Social Personality Disorder
Antisocial people are not attracted to anyone. They only need to find people they could exploit. So, whoever has something of value to give and is gullible, is attractive for pwASPD. Not too much more since psychopaths or sociopaths don’t think too long term.
Cluster B people have traits of almost all the other personality disorders from the cluster, so, the answer could be a mix of what I just described.
In essence, people that attract Cluster B personalities have lots to offer but they are needy too. Cluster B people are demanding and selective, not just abusive.
Their partners provide value and accept abuse even if it’s in the form of co-dependency, trauma-bond, or from believing they have a better/bigger heart than they do.
Have you been researching narcissistic personalities or toxic relationship dynamics online and are realizing that whatever you have been dealing with day-to-day for the last few months, years or several decades is not normal? Are you beginning to wake up to the fact that you have been horribly, mentally, psychologically, and emotionally abused? Did you grow up in a dysfunctional family where you were the scapegoated child and involuntarily held space for the family's shame and guilt? Are you aware that traditional therapy will not work in your situation due to the fact that most therapists helping you were not exposed to complex trauma throughout their personal life, so it all sounds like lots of self-inflicted eye-rolling dismissive drama in their ears...they simply can not relate.. settling on just treating some of your symptoms? Do you feel like you've had enough of being an abuse magnet, and life's been turned upside down, plagued by one traumatic event after another?
Or are you the abuser, now set out to never be hurt by others again, you sabotage anyone that threatens your carefully crafted mask you created for yourself to make it through the world utterly unscathed day-to-day... anyone who may have seen the mask slip must be annihilated because in your head they are going to do to you what you do to them? Wow, sounds like lots of dark, demented thinking and behavior we are currently accepting in all fields of work and areas of life, doesn't it?... "Seek, Kill, and Destroy or they Win, Must Annihilate, Must Smear, Must Destroy...No on Can be Perceived as Better than my Carefully Crafted Mask..." Guess what? All of us are not interested in playing this sick and twisted game with you and most have no clue you are even playing the game with them. They were 100% completely caught off guard...It's not healthy... it's diabolic serial soul murdering (death by 1,000,000,000 stabs) too many souls have been defiled, natural gifts and talents shunned into not being developed, ripped apart and shredded people's reputation, ostracized people from normal socializing, and the cause of most suicides. Narcissistic Abuse, Covert Narcissism, Bullying, Smear Campaigns, Gangstalking, Workplace Mobbing, etc...are typically the reason behind homelessness and most suicides.
Curriculum Chair at Institute for Contemporary Psychotherapy